within without

recently i was explaining my personal practice to someone unfamiliar with mysore. telling them i’m up at 3/3:30am these days - preparing, meditating, and sipping coffee before i head into the shala. that i practice alone for 1-1/2 - 2 hours before i teach. they replied, “so.. you wake up and you choose yourself? the first thing you do is orient towards tending to yourself?” it’s been a while since i’ve thought of it that way and i was grateful for the reminder. yes. that’s what i do. awakening and returning to greater capacities of focus, opening lungs, pores, joints, waking and quieting the senses, maintaining fire, listening, overcoming obstacles, dancing with fears, witnessing - all there in the very simple and straight forward moving and breathing routine. i’ve experienced consistently now for many years how that intense period of self love, care, and surrender extends out into all of the other ways i engage in my life. that relatively short period of prayer in the form of shapes and breathing completely shifts how i perceive the world, and therefore how i go about each day. each moment. there’s the immediate short term transformation that takes place daily and that is placed gently onto the pile of thousands of previous practices that have had an incalculable and subtle enduring transformational effect.

i’m thinking of a quote from lama rod owens: “if we don’t do our work, we become work for other people”. in lieu of this, we arrive on our mats for ourselves and whatever our dharma is with determination, consistency, and love - with all of our perceived successes and failures alike - to carry by our side as luggage, or to release, so we may be free. a huge part of giving to others is knowing ourselves well enough to be in integrity. herein lies the interplay of form and formlessness. if we explore the depth of the human experience within our own being, it’s not a far leap to have compassion for others who share the complexities of spiritual beings expressing themselves through human form. so, yes. we choose ourselves every day on behalf of something much larger and more profound than our likes and dislikes. 

notes on practice. goa 2023

these trips never fail to rewire what needs rewiring - whether it feels good or not. sadhana is a life long journey - if done correctly (and we're always recalibrating), our practices allow us to hold greater degrees of seemingly contradictory life experiences, and the challenges that arise within the human heart around these opposing forces, with a bit more grace and wisdom. 

the trick is that we need to show up with effort, devotion, consistency and with energy and enthusiasm for this work. this includes self and scripture study, and ultimately a relinquishing of our expectations of the results of our personal practice. this relinquishing should involve a handing over to something greater than ones small self. this part yields great rewards.. if one can truly drop expectations. 

a relationship with ashtanga yoga has great potential to slowly and methodically transform a practitioner from the inside out. however, a magical piece that lands so hard for many of us these days as our culture continually digs its heels into verbal explanation, ideas, and (over) thinking - is that these practices aren't meant to be figured out through intellect. they are experiential in the very fact that they are meant to realign our vibratory being in a way that dissolves the illusion of separation. cool idea right?! ha. 

daily practice is an opportunity to bring balance, stability, and the medicinal properties that come along with setting aside a time of the day where we're not overanalyzing, shaping our behavior to please someone else, or chasing external gratification. it is a time to remind ourselves that in our essence we are whole, already. not only are we loved, but we are the embodiment of love itself. 

most of my days here are up at 3:30am to slowly prepare for practice. practice at 5am. i meet my daughter outside the shala after where we watch and feed the cows, read books, and i come back to planet earth a little. many dosas have been eaten, and we spend many late mornings at WAG, a beautiful animal rescue place here. many of the animals have been struck by vehicles and left to die on the side of the road. i volunteer here each visit to goa. some of you might remember we did some fund raising for WAG some years ago. i prepare food for the cows, and linda and my daughter spend time with the dogs, rabbits, cats, tortoise, and a cockatoo. in the afternoons we swim in the sea, hand-wash clothes, and visit local temples. it is how india is; somehow simple, somehow totally chaotic.

holes dug deeply yield discoveries

practice is discipline. it requires effort, sacrifice, patience, courage, curiosity, discernment and commitment in order to continue on the journey. showing up daily to meet and relate with what arises from our experiences is challenging. this is particularly true when our minds are running away the second we emerge from sleep in the morning. what to do?

it’s said that children learn more wholly from embodied example, rather than being told what is right or true. somewhere in our lives a switch flips and we start to believe acquisition of facts and language based knowledge hold more weight or are more based in reality than our felt experience. perhaps this can be at least partially attributed to the societal pressures of a culture overly extrovert focused. children however are riding the wave of embodied consciousness - learning through imitation, repetition, and rhythm. they build understanding and relationship through action, stepping into each sensory experience available to what’s new. when repetition and rhythm are applied, the activities of each day, even if they vary, are locked into a familiarity. this familiarity creates a bed of comfort and safe space within which to develop and grow slowly over time. certain activities happen around the same time and in the same place every day. over time this builds a particular type of neutrality, not unlike an uncluttered space. this neutrality forms a secure space holder for whatever variations occur within the activity itself. is this beginning to sound familiar? yes. just like a mysore room!

when patterns are impressed upon the body consistently, things come up. depending on the nature of the pattern and it’s variables, what comes up could be challenging/difficult or bring ease. for example: if you get out of bed at the same time each day, follow a simple routine, and get to practice at the same time, etc. building that imprint will most likely make it easier over time. however, if you have knee pain and the pattern you impress is to continue to push into the knee pain again and again, then likely there will not be ease. the problem may exacerbate.

what arises toward our individual attention during morning practice, and how we manage it, is the Yoga. whether joy, boredom, pain, pressure, exhaustion, bliss, frustration, satisfaction, dullness, fear, sadness, etc. no matter. it’s all a part of who we are, and is the very material for exploring self and cultivating discernment. we build impressions onto our cellular selves, suggesting that at this time, in this place, each day, we will engage in observation while moving through and meditating on a sequence. inevitably, micro (or sometimes not so micro) versions of our patterning emerge in practice. over time, the repetition of showing up and making effort builds upon itself, reorganizing our impressions and experiences. staying in the stream keeps us in that flow of change.

if you’re struggling to keep a consistent daily practice, it might be wise to keep things simple. it’s one step at a time, so take small strides. otherwise your organism will be unhappy. here are some suggestions and few thoughts. if they don’t apply to you, no need to linger on them.

1)   get up at the same time each practice day.

2)   practice at the same time each day.

3)   practice 6 days a week. rest one day.

4)   if you can’t do your entire practice on a particular day, do a little.

5)   don’t let the thinking keep you in bed! put your feet on the floor, stand up, and get going.

6)   show up!

7)   notice your tendencies and allow for or strive towards balance.

8)   take practice very seriously. take who you think you are and your role in practice less seriously.

9) work towards a practice that has more to do with dispassionate observation, even if it means dispassionately observing your judgments.

10) let the postures come to you as much as you strive to meet them. in other words, leave space for the divine. the asanas are tools for potential expansion, not for minimizing or to “figure out”.

11) proficiency in asana doesn’t necessarily mean someone is practicing Yoga.

12) perfection does not exist - thank goodness.

13)  if none of this applies to you, ignore it.

while making some of these suggestions in a class years ago someone asked, “what about sleep? sleep is important”. i responded, “i’m not here to promote sleep. i’m here to promote practice”. if you have a desire to get to know yourself, and this practice resonates as a tool and resource in that exploration, the room and supportive community are there for you. use them.

drshti

the studies of yoga and ayurveda invite us to explore the five elements of nature: space, air, fire, water, and earth. ultimately, everything of the material world is comprised of a combination of all five elements. creation, survival, and destruction are dependent upon how these elements function in relation to one another. in order for an organism to thrive or even to survive, it must maintain a particular but ever changing balance of elemental properties. the specifics of which are unique to each organism in it’s time and place. having a practice that includes emphasis on embodied awareness and experiential wisdom as two of its many access points, opens up pathways to explore balance/imbalance in regards to our own shifting elemental nature. this includes our relationship with the environment that supports and is a part of who we are. if we observe and explore seeing clearly all of our qualities, both active and dormant, we may cultivate a more compassionate and balanced way of navigating through the world. there are tools to do so.

the three focal points of our particular practice are: breathing, gazing point, and posture. the gazing point or drshti is representative of the fire element. asana (posture) practice is, for many of us, an opportunity to take our attention inward and to have some part of our day involve withdrawing our senses from the business of outside. so, why not close our eyes during practice? i’ve done it as an experiment and it was pretty awesome and i was totally blissed out! BUT during our practice with eyes open, we’re inviting the light and stimulation it brings in through our senses. this requires of us to stay present to some degree with what is, not shut it out or get caught up in what we see in front of us. it asks that our body/mind organism recognize that there is an outside, but that it’s possible for that to exist while staying focused on and in touch with what’s inside. in other words, the gaze isn’t a grasping one, but rather there’s a strong component of allowance. i will allow the outside to be there. i will even allow it’s illuminating qualities in through my eyes, but i won’t attach to it, judge it, compare myself to it, reach for it, or shove it away. how to be in and involved with the fire element, without getting burned…without allowing the mind to ignite and color the experience of presence. if this practice is truly to function as mind medicine, i believe cultivating a gaze that is engaged yet simultaneously at rest is a powerful tool to utilize towards that end. having a morning ritual that allows one to become vulnerable to the interplay of outside/inside, self/other can be an excellent way to enter into the yoga of worldly life. when we move towards harnessing the power of the tools we use, in this case our gaze, we take a step towards minimizing and transcending the grip they often have on us.

each posture has a specific gazing point. ask if you have a question about one of them, and when in doubt, look down the sides of your nose. that’s the most common one. be aware (not a thinking thing) of the quality of mind when the eyes wander as opposed to when they are still.